Amanda Fisher, Tough Muddette

Let's chat all things fitness, nutrition, and mindset together!

Identifying Insecurity Monsters And How To Deal

Insecurity is a sneaky one.  A dirty, sneaky little sneak.

I’ve been spending lots of time thinking about insecurity.  I would say years actually.  I actually wrote a really vague reflection on part of some insecurity issues I dealt with back in 2014.

When I was younger – maybe 16-22 years old, I was kind of a jerk.  Not because I wanted to be a jerk to people, but because I was REALLY insecure about how I felt about MYSELF, and so to avoid dealing with that, I was just an asshole to people to put on a front to NOT have to deal with my own shit.  Maybe you knew me then, and maybe you didn’t.  If you did, I hope you see a shift :).

Being a jerk isn’t something I strive to be.  I actually probably am overly compassionate to other people and how they feel, even if it isn’t vocalized (I’m team introvert, yo).  On the same note though, I also would say that as soon as I smell something fishy, I’m the first one to put my guard up and NOT give the benefit of the doubt any longer.

I can notice tons of other times I act out of insecurity.  I’m going to write on some of them here because they might resonate with you.

Imposter insecurity.  I’m new in my field, under 10 years “officially” working in wellness under the guise of strength, nutrition, and mindset coaching.  The more I learn, the more I realize I DON’T know, and that brings out all kinds of dandy behavior in me, making me on guard waiting for people to realize I’m really an imposter who doesn’t know jack.  Sometimes, I shut down and just assume I don’t know anything and why even bother.  Sometimes, I provide TOO MUCH information in a context that isn’t beneficial because I need to feel like I exerted my knowledge.  Sometimes I have a good few week stretch where I want to cash in the towel on this, and then don’t, because I remember I’ll still do this stuff even if I don’t get paid, and that’s because I love it.  Even if strength, nutrition, or mindset wasn’t my “job”…..I’ll still be reading books on the topics, still practicing on myself on these topics, and still diving in head first.

Not Enough insecurity.  In this specific case, I can always realize AFTER I’m feeling like I’m not enough that I’m feeling like I’m not muscular enough, lean enough, happy enough, blah blah blah enough.  Here is EXACTLY how I know.  It’s because I begin implementing “plans” or “to-do lists” that  are too extreme to fit into my life.  Literally, if I find at the end of the week that I’ve been researching new ways to build muscle, looking at altering all about nutrition habits for something a bit more hardcore or restrictive, or reading happiness self help books, it’s time to stop.that.noise. And instead, spend some time reflecting on why I’m doing this, and most often enough, it means I’m feeling like I’m not enough.  And that happens for a variety of reasons that we can chat about another day.

I’m RIGHT insecurity.  This one is sticky and messy.  I like being right in situations.  And that’s a hard pill to swallow.  Here’s a really freaking public example of that.  It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of the MLM supplement pyramid scheme thingy.  I have frequently blasted that lifestyle or method, and while it DOES make my neck vein bulge because I feel like innocent people are prayed upon while people who AREN’T qualified are making quite a few bucks off them, I also acknowledge that my approach is ALSO not ideal.  My approach is yelling out word vomit online about how they are “wrong” and in turn, making the assumption that I’m “right.”  And here is what this is doing….it is taking my energy away from creating helpful and awesome shit to put out into this world to ACTUALLY help people get off the crazy cardio and off the diet mindset rollercoaster.  It’s also adding one more decibel to the already too loud Big Diet and Big Fitness world.  It’s STILL not helping people uncomplicate this stuff if I yell random stuff out into the interwebz.  So, while I’m definitely a work in progress on this one, it’s definitely something I’ve been noticing about myself, and trying to address it and use that energy towards other ways of creating (such as taking a really freaking awesome coaching course this year) helpful stuff.  I’m also just quietly removing this MLM stuff from my presence, my feeds, my everything, behind the scenes, and doing my best to put out content that is helpful, useful, factual, simple, and sustainable – you know, protein and produce, sprinkle in treats during the week, lift, go for a walk, go to bed on time….that sort of stuff.

I first came across this quote when Ronda Rousey fought Bethe Correia.  It stuck with me right away.  And unfortunately, I don’t know who gets the credit for it, other than ‘unknown.’

So true, right?

So true, right?

When I feel confident, I don’t feel like I need to open my mouth so damn much to let everyone know about it.  When I feel insecure, I can be loud as hell, in a variety of ways.  Interesting, isn’t it?

So I guess there is some takeaway in all this.  Well, at least I hope there is for you!  Here is my two cents.

When you feel that loud feeling where you need to be heard about something, before being loud, think about stopping and reflecting about what is causing that feeling.  I’m not saying DON’T act.  I’m saying, stop and think for a second….is this YOU talking, or is this some sort of insecurity talking.  Because for me, often times, insecurity makes me want to be big and loud on some certain topic.  AND, sometimes, that’s really well intentioned because I’m passionate about something in particular.  And sometimes, it’s because I need to hear my voice over other voices to make myself less insecure.

So, I’m all in for having a voice on stuff, but I also know, that for me, I can easily have a voice just to react, and not have that voice to actually use it for something true and honest and good for me and for who I’m hoping to communicate with.

There is a difference in these two things.  I think the most important thing to do is to just stop for a second and sit with that feeling or reaction.  Is it true?  Is it real?  Or did something strike a nerve and now we gotta jump and react?

Ooof, you guys.  Some of this is a hard pill to swallow, but I’m working on it.  Stick around!  Let’s wade through this stuff together!

\PS – I send out “how to” help to my email subscribers weekly.  Are you on that list?  If not, head over here to get signed up.  There is more coming on this insecurity topic to inboxes this week!

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Pregnancy: 30 Weeks!

Yo!  Thought I’d toss up a pregnancy update, since it’s been about five weeks since the last one.  So, we are 30 weeks around these parts.  I know quite the crop of peeps who have either just delivered, or WILL be having a baby between now and when we are due, and we are all beginning to talk about the same stuff, it seems.  Like, are we gonna be those girls that deliver at 37 weeks, or are we gonna be those girls pushing 41 weeks?!?!  I know which girl I’ll likely be, and it ain’t the 37 week girl, ha!  I’m actually planning on working through 39 weeks, soooooo if we could stay pregnant through then, it would be a lot simpler :).

Full disclosure, this is from 28 weeks, so I'll try to get a new one!

Full disclosure, this is from 28 weeks, so I’ll try to get a new one!

We’ve been to two appointments with our new midwife crew!  We are now with River Valley Birth Center out of St. Peter, MN.  I’ve gotten a lot of questions about what care looks like there, and I would sum it up to say it’s the same feel as our other midwife crew in a clinic, but way more in depth, low key, and personal.  The first appointment, Emma came along, and she was pretty pumped to check mommy’s blood pressure and heart beat, AND get to listen to the baby too.  Our second appointment, I went solo, because I did the GB test (hey, request the alternate to the nasty drink test, it’s worth it, I promise!!), and then had a few blood tests off site to take care of so I scheduled while she was at daycare. These ladies are super patient, super low key, and very good at informing you of everything and every option without judgement.  I feel like I’m talking to a friend, and not someone who will catch a baby out of my vagina, to be blunt :).  We are also having lots of good convo on the good old pelvic floor topic, and how much of a big deal this stuff really IS for women.  It’s really interesting 🙂 (in my opinion).  Is a birth center for everyone?  Probably not, and who knows if it’s even for us…we won’t really know until it’s all said and done.  But at this point, for someone who prefers to not complicate the shit out of stuff and gets anxiety with that sort of thing when she doesn’t see the reason for doing it, this seems to be a good fit.

Lifting!  Welp, it’s still going good.  I will tell you, though, that sometimes it’s a mind f*ck to remind myself that yo, I’m choosing to follow a different path from last time because I know better this time.  Meaning, I always think of exercises in terms of 1) what’s the impact on core/diastasis and how will this impact recovery postpartum and 2) what’s the impact on pelvic floor and how will this impact recovery postpartum.  You know what?  Even though I feel good about that, and know that this is the right way to approach lifting during pregnancy, and know that I’m being smart with my body, and know that I’m strong AF right now….it is really freaking hard to sometimes just not smash the shit out of weights.  I see clients and lifting friends killing the big exercises that I want to just hulk up and kill with them, and I know that I can slightly hulk up and sometimes do those things, but right now is not the time to hulk up and push my body.  I can push my body inside the boundaries of smart core and floor training, but I don’t need to go nuts.  It’s a constant battle to remind myself that it’s okay to be strong enough right now and not go nuts, and not tell myself that I *should* be doing more.  I know the advice I would give to a pregnant/postpartum client, and I’m taking my own advice.  BUT, sometimes taking that advice, even though it’s the right advice, is a hard freaking pill to swallow.  I don’t want to sound whiney here either, because I’m definitely not trying to, and I don’t feel sorry for myself.  I think it’s just part of the process.  I love smashing weights, and perhaps right now, smashing them at 50-60% instead of 100% effort is the best approach, even though it’s not how I would prefer to approach this stuff :).  It’s more like a good lesson in meeting myself where I’m truly at versus where I think I *should* be.  It’s also cool to have discussions with lots of moms about this stuff who really aren’t aware of pelvic floor issues, and think that what they are dealing with is normal, and them finding out that hey….I don’t need to live with this stuff, I can do something about it.  THAT IS COOL.  It’s also cool to see my postpartum clients begin returning to things 6-8 months postpartum that they were doing before pregnancy, and seeing how that makes them feel.  LOVE THIS STUFF.  I’ve also researched a number of physical therapists in the area that specialize in pelvic floor, and will be scheduling an appointment with them a few weeks after birth to get rolling on things that need some help.

Food!  It’s good, and I’m freaking hungry!  Until about 3PM when I’m like, I have no room to put food anymore.  Got the weight back from the first 15-18 weeks where things were really dicey, though!  So I’m even steven.  Let the gainz begin, lol!  And I’m not going to tell you that I’m not gagging or throwing up anymore, because every time I do that, it seems I begin doing it again. So we are NOT going to talk about it. HA!  I think my energy is pretty good right now because I’m actually finally hungry, and eating more and have an appetite, so that’s been a game changer.

Mindset!  Overall, good!  I’m excited to take some time off to get to know this little girl and how she fits into our family.  And I’m excited to see what a family of four looks like compared to a family of three.  I’m also excited, because one day a week, so far, this little girl will be coming to work with me for a bit!  A little extra time when she is little.  I did a brain dump of all the things that I’m hoping to get done between online biz stuff, coaching group stuff, gym stuff, and house stuff.  I have a list, and it’s really not as unmanageable as I thought it would be.  So right now, I’m doing lots of work behind the scenes that will come out soon enough ;-), and I’m excited as shit for that!  I’ve been journaling each day too, on the basics – emotional stuff, physical stuff, to-do list stuff, stuff to let go of, and stuff to work harder on, and gratitude.  Keeps this all in perspective, which has been good.  I’d say that this winter hasn’t been just too rough yet either, and sunny days now and again definitely go along way in helping my mood and overall mindset as well.

Birth prep!  Yup, I’m working on birth prep.  So far, spending lots of minutes in a deep squat, and doing lots of diaphragmatic breathing and focused work on relaxing every stinking inch and muscle and fiber of my body.  Aside from the squatting, I do the breathing and relaxing part most nights from 2:30-4AM, when I seem to have the glorious insomnia.  And during the day too.

Two things I’m looking forward to…1) CRAFT BEER and 2) a good old fashioned coffee buzzzzzzzz.

Peace out, yo!  Thanks for listening!

Why Mini Lifting Sessions Work For Me Right Now

I love a good lifting session.  Nothing like the feeling of tossing around a bunch of iron and making my muscles work than a good day at the gym.  I love the feeling of having 45-60 minutes of uninterrupted me time where I can listen to music with four letter words that my threenager shouldn’t hear, and just get inside my body.

Except, right now.  Right now…..that scenario stresses me the eff out.  Because my priorities have shifted quite a bit, because we have a baby on the way, and I’m really digging spending lots of extra time as a family of three right now.  And 3-4 sessions at 45-60 minutes in length just doesn’t fit well in my real life right now.  So, I get about one of those glorious sessions.  The other three….well, I just make them fit where they fit.  Because like we say in my Mom Boss coaching group……done is done. No matter if it’s all at one time or if it takes you 12 hours spread throughout the day to finish the whole thing.

Done is done.

So, I’m writing this for YOU, if YOU, like me, feel like it’s either all or nothing – a full 60 minutes in the gym or it doesn’t count.

Except it does freaking count.

I typically spend 3 days of my week in the gym most of the day.  Because I am the gym, I work there, and that’s how I earn my living.  I also have little 10 and 15 minute long chunks where I’m waiting for a client or waiting for my next class.  So, I’ve begun getting strategic on how to use my time better so I don’t have to stay after hours and get my own workout in.

Let’s take the other morning, for instance.  I coached small groups from 5-7am.  I had 20 minutes before I needed to be home, so I knocked out my heavy bench presses for the day.  Three sets of five, progressively increasing the load each set, working up to a comfortable moderate/moderate heavy load.

Go home, get my kiddo to daycare, eat breakfast, answer emails, and get back to the gym for the next three hours of personal training.  But, I have 15 minutes before my first client arrives.  Welp, let’s kill the next part of my workout for the day.  Supersets!  A set of 10 incline presses followed immediately by a set of 10 bent rows.  Repeat four more times for a total of five sets.  Cuss because woah, my upper body got WORKED.  But don’t waste time texting people in between sets because I don’t have time today.

Train clients for three hours and find myself starving BUT I have 15 minutes worth of work left, so let’s get it in before home for lunch.  Boom, a set of 10 bicep curls, a set of 10 tricep presses, and a set of 10 face pulls, because I’m trying to make my upper body look as pregnant as my belly, ha!  Repeat 2 more times.  AND, DONE.

Welp, almost.

A two hour break to eat lunch, shower my stinky self, chill for a bit, and work my ass off in my coaching club.  Head back to the gym 15 minutes early to work on upper body stretching and mobility.  NOW, I am done.  Coach group class for two more hours, and get home for supper, yo!  And I didn’t have to miss family time to get my workout in.

So yeah, not exactly how I prefer to get my lifting done, but right now, it works fo sho.

And so, if you, like me, stress about not having big chunks of time to slay your lifting, then break it up into increments during your day.  I’m still getting all my lifts in, and all my volume, it just takes 10 hours to do it.  But remember, #doneisdone.  And that’s what matters.

Yup, I’ll be excited for the days when I can save 45 minutes for myself a few times per week.  Right now is just not that time.  So it is what it is.  And #doneisdone.

No matter if your workout is lifting like me, or walking, or whatever.  If you need to, try busting it up into mini sessions during your day.  See if it works.  See how you like it.  Lemme know!  Consistency and getting shit done is what matters.  So, we are accomplishing that no matter if it’s in mini sessions or full out sessions, right?

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