On Being A Victim


I love the movie Mean Girls.  Mostly for this reason:



Today, however…..we are going to roll down another road….you know, a bumpy one:


And by “Regina George,” I mean YOU.

Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by YOURSELF.

I have learned that I can play the victim like nobody’s bidness.  I am excellent at it, and I didn’t even know it all these years!  Huh, I guess we can call that a talent?  Er….is butter a carb?

What I mean is this – at times, I catch myself saying statements like the following:

 - I can’t believe it.  So and so JUST STARTED working out and can already press a 16 kilo kettlebell and I have been working out for years and that’s my working weight.  WTF is wrong with me?

 - I’m so busy, there is absolutely no time to workout this week.  I only have 20 minutes today, and then no time the rest of the week.  Why bother today if the rest of the week will not happen anyway?  Why am I always the busy one, and everyone else has time to workout?

 - I can’t believe this is happening to me.  This type of shit never happens to anyone else, why is it ALWAYS me?

Ick.  I’m embarrassed to even write this stuff.

After a 10 week course with Jill Coleman, I know a LOT about how I play the victim.  I honestly didn’t realize it.  Those statements above are examples, but I found myself saying things like that (internally) a TON.

You know what stinks about letting yourself be a victim in your own life though?  When you are the victim, you give up your control in the situation.  You literally choose to be the victim so you don’t take action (or control) to remedy your situation.

Uh, you know what happens when you always give up control in the situation?  You NEVER get OUT of the situation.  You will ALWAYS find yourself circling back to that situation because you have chosen NOT to DEAL with it.

If you are reading this, you already know this isn’t good, right?  I mean, it stinks when you are playing the victim and you don’t really realize it.  You don’t realize you are giving up your control.  You don’t realize you are settling into this situation you are in for the long haul.  You don’t realize that unless you step up to the plate and ask your self “What the flip am I gonna DO about it?”  and then TAKE THAT ACTION, you will always find yourself in some situation, STILL in that situation that you are always in and no one else is EVER in.

My statement above, you know, the “I’m too busy to work out one” is a GREAT example.  When I used to tell myself “I’m too busy this week”……”busy” meant Facebooking, dorking around with poor time management, or making up reasons why I didn’t have time to workout.  So I TOOK ACTION.  I’m no longer too busy.  Days of Our Lives sometimes doesn’t get watched the same day, you know?  Or I get my ass out of bed EARLY to get my workout done.  Or, I just plain old schedule my errands and days better so I can fit in a decent block of workouts each week.  It doesn’t really matter…..other than I TOOK ACTION.  I changed my mindset as to how I approached this little “I’m too busy” phenomenon.  I’m not too busy to work out and take care of myself.  No one is.  It’s a choice.

And my final victim statement above – the one about “why is this always happening to me?”  Let me be honest here.  Things don’t JUST HAPPEN to me.  Things happen to everyone.  If I choose to continue to always look for the things that always happen to me, what do you think I will ALWAYS see?  If I choose to react to things that happen to me with action and ideally a positive attitude, you know….we all know the ending to this scenario.  Things will OBVIOUSLY go a little more smoothly, right?

So what say you?

Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George (and by “Regina George” I mean YOU)?





None Of Yo Biznass

**Warning – the feelings are coming out**

I’ve technically “learned” this lesson before.  Reading it again and again via various sources like Jill Coleman and Erin Brown the past couple months has proved to be a great reminder.  Here goes:

What other people think of you is none of YOUR business.

Let that sink in for a good long minute.

If you are like me, you may find yourself making decisions or acting a certain way based on the way other people may react or how others may think about you.  This is BRUTAL.  Because we are no longer acting for ourselves, we are acting for OTHERS.  We set aside our best interests for others.  We also may find ourself in this weird little hell where we are trying to make people like us or people please, without ANY CONTROL of what people actually think about us.

We give up our happiness for the sake of others.  We give up the power of living OUR authentic life for others.  At first, that sounds cool, right?  Like, we are so self-less, always putting others before ourselves.  Cool until it becomes a way for you to slowly lose your own identity, and you realize you no longer even know WHAT you want anymore because you don’t even know WHO you are.  Ick.

I’m getting better at being MY best self and true to MY self and slowly learning that what other people think of me is absolutely none of my business.  It is very freeing and ultimately terrifying at the same time, because it requires me to react to situations differently THIS time around than I would have before.  Which is scary stuff, you know?  It ain’t easy riding in your first rodeo!

The other side of this is I believe we sometimes use the “what will people think” excuses BECAUSE we are afraid to be who we really are.  Being who you really are is making yourself vulnerable.  That is SCARY STUFF sometimes!  You are actually allowing people to see you as you are – at your weakest, at your strongest, and all the times in between.  What if people don’t like this you?  What if they LOVE this you?  Ultimately what they think of this you is none of YOUR business.  It is THEIR business.

We can only control what WE do, and how WE think.

What I have found when I live for ME instead of for others is that I feel inner peace.  For a long time I was without that feeling, and I didn’t even realize it.  I always felt a little uneasy about things.

Here’s an example – for a big portion of my adult life, I was a struggling with body image and ick like that.  I was SUPER insecure and made decisions for others instead of myself, acted for others instead of myself, and talked icky about myself and other people from that place of insecurity……sometimes because I was feeling insecure, and sometimes because everyone else was doing it.  Basically, I was awesome at being a big old biotch.  I could talk like a biotch, act like a biotch, and just generally be a biotch.

Except, inside, it made me feel worse.  Because I actually REALLY like being a nice, decent human being.  I wasn’t being my REAL self.  That icky, uneasy feeling was my true self being UNCOMFORTABLE in that behavior.  I’m so happy I started paying attention to my TRUE self instead of the alternative….although that is ALWAYS a practice.

Lots of words again, but really the main point is that we have ZERO control over much in this world, and can really only control how we act and react.  We can’t control much else, so why even flippin’ stress about it?  I know, I know….that is a practice in itself….much easier said than done.

What other people think of us is NONE of our business.

PS – if you think that it is selfish to put YOU first because, you know, what about your family, your friends, your kids, your whatever….think again.  When you begin to put yourself first, you might just realize that because you are operating from a place of peace instead of a place of unease, you might just have more YOU to give and go around.  You might find that you are a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better everything.  And it comes from a place of peace.  Which is awesome.

PPS – also realize that everything isn’t unicorns and rainbows and sometimes life stinks for a bit too.  That is NORMAL.  Choose how you react (also easier said than done).  You can choose to be miserable or choose to be happy.  You ALWAYS have a choice.

PPSS – please feel free to remind me of this when I’m having a bad day :)



The Leftover Salad

Today was fridge clean out for lunch.  I had a LOT of containers stocked up in the fridge, with only a little bit of leftovers in each container.  Basically, our fridge looked full…..but really it was just full of nearly empty containers.

I’m on a kick of absolutely trying not to waste anything or let anything go bad before it gets eaten….because I’m trying to tame the grocery bill.  So, I put together a leftovers salad.

photo (12)

My leftover salad had the following ingredients:

- a half a citrus flavored chicken breast leftover from the weekend

- the bare bones minimum of kale and spinach remaining in my the produce drawer

- a few sprinkles of crumbled blue cheese

- a few slices of cucumber

- like 7 croutons left in the bag

- craisins (I’m digging craisins on salads right now)

- about a tablespoon of coleslaw dressing that was left in the fridge

You know what?  This salad rocked.  Plain old rocked.  And I cleaned out my fridge in the process WITHOUT having to feel guilty from throwing stuff away or letting it go bad.

You can make your own version of leftover salad too!  I frequently use random roasted veggies I have taking up space in my fridge.  I also tend to use leftover beef or pork roast a ton….and if I don’t have any leftover protein on hand, I will use a can of tuna or a couple fried eggs, or even cottage cheese.  There are two ingredients that people tend to miss though, that usually turn your salad from ‘alright’ to ‘freaking amazing.’  They are simple too.  A little grain or starch – think roasted potatoes or sweet potatoes, or brown rice or quinoa.  And a fruit!  Fruit in salads is the cats meow.  Diced apples, grapes, oranges, pineapple, strawberries, or even mango.  All yum choices.

You can seriously make the best salads from leftovers.  You don’t even need greens!  If you have a ton of random veggies, dice ‘em up and roast them quickly, or saute them up and toss together a warm salad.  So delish.  Try it!

Mindful Practice: Negative Talk

Hey there!

I’ve had a few interesting realizations this weekend, upon beginning Erin Brown’s book – As Is (I will post a review and my experience after I’m done reading, but thought this was super interesting so I’m sharing this part early).

First off, mindfulness is really encouraged in this book.  Mindfulness is something I’ve had a hefty dose of as of late.  Being “mindful” means to basically be intentional, accepting, and most importantly for ME…..NON JUDGMENTAL of thoughts and emotions at the present moment.  Oy, you guys…….all the feelingz are at liberty to fall out at any moment here.

The title of this post is “negative talk.”  Well……I spent a fair amount of last week paying attention to how I talk to myself, and when I bully myself.  The Cliff’s Notes version is that I bully myself more than I’d like.  The positive to this past week is that I was MINDFUL of how I was talking to myself and I became aware.  As the week went on….I became quicker and quicker at catching myself in the act of bullying or even just before I was about to start bullying.  You know what was cool then?  I could make a choice.  I could continue being an asshole to myself, or I could choose to settle down a little bit and think about some of the reasons WHY I was being an asshole to myself.  What’s interesting is finding patterns (even in such a short amount of time) where I find myself about to become a bully – so far….it is when I feel rushed, tired, PMS-ing, or feel insecure for whatever reason.  You know…..that old chestnut.  It is cool though to notice those patterns, because I can recognize that THOSE are the things I need to be more aware of or work to be more mindful of.  I don’t actually need to attack myself negatively.

So, back to this weekend then.  A second part of this is negative body talk.  I hang around a ton of women – friends, at my job, or just randomly overhear things at the grocery store, my random Target run, or just other random places.  We women, it seems, at least THIS WEEKEND, are excellent at negative body talk.  Mostly about ourselves.  Like, we APOLOGIZE for our appearance, our size, our weight, our hair color, our leaving the house without putting on makeup, etc.  We apologize for freaking BEING.  I knew this already a little bit, because I’ve dealt with a ton of this myself in the past (and still currently when some of those things pop up), which makes me a little hyper-sensitive I think.  But being mindful of it this weekend….well, it made me a little sad.  It seems that no one is comfortable in their own skin.  Myself included at times!

You guys, we need to stop this negative self talk.  It isn’t doing us any favors.  In fact, we are probably going to stay trapped in this little negative self talk pattern forever if we don’t choose to change it.  We need to practice being MINDFUL of how we treat and talk to ourselves.  We can choose to be mindful and just notice and not judge when these instances come up.  We can choose to take a different path at that moment – as Erin says in the book, we can just choose peace.  This won’t happen overnight.  This will take time, and we will likely stumble around a bit while we get our bearings, but we have to do this.  The older my daughter gets, the more I want her to learn how to love who she is and be happy in her skin as she grows up.  She will only learn that (and YOUR daughters will only learn that) from US practicing those things RIGHT NOW.  Our daughters will only learn to pick and pinch at themselves in the mirror if that’s what they SEE at home.  Our daughters will only learn to body bash with their friends in the dressing room while shopping if that’s what they HEAR at home.  We are the role model on the front lines at home.  I can tell Miss Emma she needs to take care of herself and love herself the way that she is when she is growing up and very impressionable.  Or I can SHOW her how I do those things.  Which do you think she’ll learn from best?

Taking care of yourself isn’t just how you feed yourself and how you workout.  Taking care of yourself is so much more than that – including how you talk to yourself AND others, how you treat your spirit and faith, how you deal with stress, and how you prioritize your rest and down time.  It is SO MUCH more than just food and fitness all the time, you know?

PS – I think you should pick up Erin’s book.  I’m only through two chapters, and there are like 19 to go I think.  Lots of learning, lots of awareness, lots of mindfulness going on with me for a bit I believe :)  Which likely means you will be reading a lot about feelings from me.


Public Service Announcement


photo 1……..no matter how many health claims the label of this package makes, or how awesome your “health coach” (likely without any training or certification in nutrition or fitness) claims it is……

…..will NEVER TRUMP this:

photo 2

Food.  The packaging doesn’t need to tell me how healthy it can make me.  Because I’m chewing it, it tastes good, it fills me up, I enjoy it, and there are a ton of nutrients in it.

Suck it, supplement industry and your fancy marketing.

Please pass it on.


Outrunning Your Fork

I see cute little fitness posts a lot.  And they annoy the shit out of me.

“It takes 524 burpees to burn off a large order of fries.”

“Running a marathon burns 2900 hundred calories, or 674 M&M’s……not that I looked that up.”

I’ve even seen a cute little poster of a half-marathoner…..comparing her calorie burn from her race to eating a Big Mac.

Fawk.  Let’s lose the association of needing to burn away our “being bad” treats.  

If you want to eat a large order of fries…..eat a damn large order of fries and enjoy it.

If you want to eat a freaking Big Mac, do it up!

Try to eat 674 M&M’s….I mean, maybe you could.  I think you might get sick of them though.  Unless they were peanut butter M&M’s…..then you probably wouldn’t :)

We need to lose the “I need to pay penance for my food sins” mindset.

I used to do this a lot back in the day.  You know where it got me?  Pissy, frustrated, and really in the same place I’d always been…..not on a good path with food.  Over time, I learned to ditch the guilt of food.  Like, it’s not easy, yo.  If you have had food guilt for a long time…..it won’t just go away.  You need to practice making it go away.  And only YOU can practice that….no one else can do that for you.

You know what’s cool about ditching the guilt mindset?  Suddenly, you realize you really CAN have anything to eat that you want to.  When you realize that, suddenly those foods that used to make you lose control because they were on the naughty list…..well……they sometimes still taste good.  But sometimes only a little bit is all you need.  Or sometimes just a serving is all you need, and then you realize, “hey, that was good….but I’m done now.”

You don’t have to do 524 burpees to eat a large order of fries.  You can just eat the fries and go home.  You can wake up tomorrow and do your normal routine….you don’t need to stay at the gym for an extra two hours to do the burpees.

Here are a few of the steps I’ve taken to lose the “outrun my fork” mindset:

- I spent a year with Precision Nutrition learning about food and myself and my relationship to both (I’m not saying you need to do this….what I am saying is that a year is a long time to learn about food and my relationship to it….so take your time learning on your own or with help)

- I learned how to eat enough, but more importantly I learned the signals my body gives me when I’ve eaten too much or too little……THIS TOOK LOADS OF TIME 

- I said “fawk the rules and diets” and decided to just go with the flow for a bit to see what happened (much to my surprise the wheels didn’t fall off the bus)

- I practiced not associating my food choices to myself or my self worth (easier said than done)

The final lesson I’ve learned in the past 18 months with my baby girl.  Emma Babes LOVES food.  She loves pork chops, she loves goldfish crackers, she loves eggs, she loves beets, she loves sweet potatoes, she loves Kicks Bake Shop donuts, she loves appies (apples)….she’s a foodie….just like her parents.  What is interesting though, is that she eats to her appetite.  Some days her appetite is LARGE, and she can pack food away like no one’s biznass.  Some days, not so much.  She eats when she is hungry, and then when she no longer is hungry, she throws it on the floor for Stella (we are working on this), or she plays with it….or she lets me know she doesn’t want it.  She eats with zest……”NUUUUMMMMMMYYYYY!”  is heard often when she is hungry and when she really likes something.  She tells me “No?” and shakes her head when it isn’t what she wants.   I have learned MORE in 18 months watching a baby turn into a toddler and eat and enjoy food and stop eating when she is no longer hungry than I have from any certification or eating program.  Emma Babes, in all her eating glory, practices moderation.  Without even knowing it.  And you know what she doesn’t have?  Food guilt.  She just has energy to use and grow.

And she doesn’t have to do 524 burpees to pay for it.

The above is apparently 739 words that don’t accomplish much except for my desire for people to let go of the mindset that foods fall into a “bad” or “good” category.  Food is JUST food.  You don’t have to pay penance for eating foods that some lump into the “bad” category.

And again, I’ve MOSTLY ditched the guilt mindset.  Sometimes it still rears it’s ugly head.  BUT, I’m also learning to know when that is happening too.  It’s a process….not something you will fix in a day or a week, yo.





Lessons From a Reformed Dieter

The following list was inspired by a Facebook group I’m a part of, that focuses on women and strength training.  One member of the group posted this really fabulous list (of which I’ve taken and altered slightly to fit my reality), because it just freakin’ hit home for me in just a few bullet points.  It’s literally my timeline as a reformed dieter.  It’s actually so simple, and I thought I’d share it because I know there are people out there that can totally identify with this.

So here goes (and thanks to the lovely individual who posted this original concept.  I don’t know you, and I’m not going to post your name to credit this to you here because, duh, privacy, but I very much appreciate your clear, concise way of laying this whole business out).

1.)  Magic pills!  Shakes!  Supplements!  I MUST follow this really specific weight loss plan that includes me spending a boatload of cash on supplements for the next 12 weeks (or 15 pounds, or until I’m a certain size).  Do one day perfectly, wait….maybe even a week.  Soon realize, EFF, I’m hungry and cranky, this shit is expensive, and I can’t, I just can’t swallow one more pill or drink one more chalky ass shake.  That’s fine, no more supplements, but I will just watch what I eat, and vow to myself to not eat more than 1200 calories (or 1300/1500/1800, depending on which magazine article I read was best, or what year it was).

2.) Enter Primal eating!! I must eat like a caveman and ignore modern agriculture.  I’m awesome and………….eating clean……and you know I’m totally judging what’s in your shopping cart, Miss I-Buy-Pop-Tarts!! (I literally want to throw up thinking about my judgey, clean eating self). The only carbs I eat are fruit and sweet potatoes. I’m awesome!! I feel great. Wait, six months have gone by and I’m really tired, cold all the time, and my workouts suck. Why is that?

3.) Wait, what? You need to eat more to build muscle? OMG, I must eat all the food every where!! Just got done lifting….quick, eat something NOW.  FEED THE MUSCLE.  I must eat at least 4,000 calories a day in order to build muscle.

4.) Wow, have I gained weight. What the hell happened? I was eating to build muscle. I think I have more muscle?  But my jeans also don’t button the way they used to.  But that’s muscle, right?  I learned that low-fat was a lie. I embraced full fat, healthy fat, and I eat lots of it. You mean, I can’t eat whatever I want whenever I want and blame it on my need to build muscle?

5.) Wait, I need more CARBS? Okay, now I’m looking at Eat to Perform. What I eat should depend on how it makes me feel and how it impacts my workouts. I need to be mindful of my food choices, but life is short, no need to be insane and weigh, measure, and track everything that goes into my mouth. Don’t sabotage my hard work, but stop freaking out about everything I eat.

6.) Unchartered Territory (and loving it)! I’ve taken something from every stage and incorporated into my life and I think this might work. 1.) I need to be mindful of the number of calories I consume, not neurotic. 2.) Yes, eat more, but moderation and eat more protein too. 3.) Full fat is good, but still calorie dense. Don’t be an idiot. 4.) Primal eating taught me one huge lesson (and a lot of neurotic shit but oh well)- I really enjoy taking whole food ingredients and creating a meal. 5.) Potatoes and rice are not the devil, lighten up already.  6.) Your daughter is watching, and she does NOT need a mom who is neurotic about food.  7.) You actually are the only one that knows what works for YOU.  8.)  Pay attention.

I want to scream to people…..”DON’T DO WHAT I DID, SKIP #1 through #5, and go straight to #6!”  But I can’t, because everyone needs to learn their own path at their own pace or the lessons don’t mean anything to them.

I get asked frequently why I don’t sell supplements in my tiny, lovely little gym.  I actually do get approached, and to be honest, I’d probably pay all my fixed expenses and then some by selling supplements.  But I can’t do that with a good conscience.  It will only prolong someone else’s journey who might not understand the concept of eating FOOD first, and with a healthy mindset, and supplementing only after that, and only when necessary (if ever it is necessary).  It will only keep them in step #1.  They might not get out of that mindset, you know?  And I don’t want that on my shoulders….that I told them they should drink this really amazing shake that will help them lose weight fast/reach their ideal bodyweight/help detox their system/reset/recharge/energize them/make all their troubles go away/turn them into magical unicorns.  I will not be that person.

I know you can identify with at least some of what I’m laying down here.  Remember, YOU know what works best for YOU.  YOU can eat food WITHOUT going crazy off the rails.  YOU can eat literally anything you want, and even without guilt!  YOU have choices at all times.  YOU have to decide that YOU CAN.

Here, after many years of dieting, reading, researching, getting certifications, observing, learning more, are what I can give you on food wisdom:

- Eat enough food but don’t overeat (and you will play around with this to find YOUR right equation because there isn’t a one size fits all plan…..and most online calorie calculators are waaaayyyyyyyy toooooooooooo lowwwwwwww)

- Protein is important

- So are veggies (you know, vitamins, minerals, fiber……that old chestnut)

- Get plenty of sleep (because I don’t know about you, but when I’m tired or chronically tired….I’m dealing with the urge to speed eat feel good foods ALL THE TIME)

- If it sounds too good to be true, it is, ESPECIALLY IN THE MAGICAL DIET LAND

- Food is just food, don’t get neurotic

- If you are emotional eater, GET TO THE ROOT of what makes you emotionally eat

- Eat food you enjoy (including cupcakes), don’t eat food you don’t enjoy (if this includes cupcakes for you….get your head checked)

- If you have a sensitivity, don’t eat something that makes you feel icky.  If you don’t have a sensitivity, don’t freaking tell me going gluten free can cure cancer…..because…..well, you’re an idiot

There are millions of things in this world that need attention right now, and dieting is just not one of them.




Training Log: Pressing My Ass Off

OMG.  So, training is going good.  I switched some of my training program up a bit, to get me used to pressing heavier bells.  After a convo with my coach at my last session, she was all “you should be pressing 20′s”……mean 20kg’s.

Yeah…..I have been pressing 16′s for a good long while.  Because that’s all I have to test with.  Does anyone else find themselves doing the thing at one level just because they have to?  Why did it never occur to me to train heavier for presses?  DUH.

Guess what makes pressing 16′s feel like paperweight?  Pressing 20′s.  Shit.

Right now, I’ve been rolling with some good old pressing ladders.  Like, one day I do single arm pressing ladders that look like this:

1 press per side, 1 pull-up (mine are currently assisted), 10 double swings

2 presses per side, 2 pull-ups, 15 double swings

3 presses per side, 3 pull-ups, 15 double swings

I’m currently at about 3 sets of that work, and working my way up to five sets

Another training day during the week is double bell presses that looks like this:

1 double press, 1 pull-up, 2 snatches per arm

2 double presses, 2 pull-ups, 3 snatches per arm

3 double presses, 3 pull-ups, 5 snatches per arm

After these ladder days, I wake up the next morning wondering if I look like the Incredible Hulk yet.  I think I’ve been lifting for the past 6-8 years now, no clue.  And as the weights get heavier, it’s weird….but I never turn into a dude or “get bulky.”  :)

Lifting is where it’s at, ladies.  And gentlemen.  If you want to feel awesome, look better, eat more, sleep awesome, rock your life better…..well then, it’s time to move some weight, yo.

Here is what pressing two 20kg bells(44 pounds a piece) after rolling outta bed and only having a smidge of coffee looks like:

And here is what it looks like when you shoot for three reps, and fail after the first one (sorry for the language…… yeah not really, those beasts were heavy!):

Guess where I ALWAYS feel working hardest during my presses?  My glutes.  I feel like I’m getting such a good butt workout during pressing ladders, it’s not even funny.

Ass moves mass, I guess?

(Also, thanks to Janelle Pica at Primal Fitness Pittsburgh for the pressing ladder inspiration!)



Ick, the title alone of this blog probably indicates we are going to talk about feelings, right?

If you know me….talking about feelings needs to happen sometimes, actually probably more frequently than sometimes.  I joke about them a lot, but bring them out on the rare occasion.  Because, you know….talking about feelings can get dicey.  Because….. it’s nice to float around in your life where everything is magical unicorns and rainbows, and 28 kilo kettlebells fly up easily in a clean and press, and things like body image demons don’t exist, right?  And in that magical unicorn and heavy kettlebell land, feelings are fun and light and free, right?

They are until you feel a few not so fun and light and free feelings.

Like, when you start to doubt yourself sometimes because your jeans feel snug, or you got in a crap fight with your husband about nothing important.  Or random other useless stuff to feel bad about, but since we’re piling on….let’s keep this shitstorm going for a week or two, yeah?

I’m writing this one because I answered a really, really, really powerful question yesterday inspired by Jill Coleman.  It’s sort of an open ended question, in a series of other questions in her mindset makeover series.   I started it a few weeks ago, and it’s a doozy for taking a little looksie into your mindset (and working on changing it a bit if that’s your fancy).

Anyhoo, back to the question.

If I never used negative self-talk again…….

My answer came flying out like ton of bricks.

I would be allowed to feel powerful and always enough.

I write and preach and all that good stuff a lot about loving yourself and who you are.  That is true for me much of the time, but going through an icky patch here and there can knock you off your axis (phrase stolen from my amazing friend) in a heartbeat.  Then, once you are down, it’s very much easy to get down on EVERYTHING that you declare not awesome or things that have happened in your past and yadda, yadda, yadda – you feel like you are not enough for some reason or another.

You are ALWAYS enough just as you are.  I am ALWAYS enough just as I am.

When it’s time to get flowery and show the feelings, you might get a hug from a friend.  If you are like me, sometimes….because you don’t show and feel all the dang feelings sometimes, you might practice the “ass out” hug.  You know the one – you lean in close and wrap your hands around the person you are hugging, and give them the awkward pat on the back….but your ass sticks out.  Because you can’t get THAT CLOSE and REALLY get into the hug.  Because it’s just too many feelings.  Sometimes, though, you feel the feelings and go all in…..you know, the “ass in” hug.  Like, total full embrace, even if your whole body touches.

Here is to ALWAYS being enough.  ALWAYS.

Let’s “ass in” hug, shall we?







I’m Not Motivated

When you begin making changes – whether food or fitness related, or really…..ANY change in your life – things are new and shiny.  Doing new things and creating new habits is easy because it’s different and fun.

Then the bog hits.  Maybe after two or three weeks, or even a month.  It’s not new and shiny anymore.  Sometimes it actually seems like the LAST thing you want to do.  Or, “my life is really busy today, so I’m putting off my <insert new change here> and I’ll get to it tomorrow.”  Except, you know what happens tomorrow.  Your new change… DOESN’T happen.  Because it’s still not exciting tomorrow.

I know how this feels.  You feel like everyone else has it easy, and makes it look effortless.  Why is it so hard for you?  Why can everyone else get fit/eat well/get a sweet job/have an exciting life and you can’t?

The difference is that the people who you THINK have it easy….they just do it anyway.  They stick to their change.  Even after the new and shiny wears off.  They made it a part of their life, not just something they did when they felt like it.

Ha, I’m writing this at a point when I have ZERO motivation to train this week (shark week and all), but I’m committed to getting that dang RKC title, so I guess I’m writing this for myself.  I have plenty of “reasons” why not to – the cert is a long way off, my hands and grip are tired, I’m a little sore, I’m busy (actually I’m not so busy….I am just great procrastinating), I should spend more time cleaning my house (true), and more time with my family (true), and more time doing x,y,z instead of training.

Doesn’t everyone have a million reasons why they can’t?  But then what was the little spark that made them want to make a change in the first place?

The silver lining of having the bog and NOT FEELING LIKE IT BUT DOING IT ANYWAY…..are those fantastic times where those changes you made/make feel effortless.  The times when they are easy.  You will appreciate them more.

Here are a few things I consider when things get rough and you don’t FEEL like it.

  1. Does this make sense?  First, and foremost….are you doing something you actually WANT to change, and something that is sustainable?  This is vital.  If you are doing something because everyone else is doing it, and you don’t REALLY want to, DON’T.
  2. If you answered yes to #1, then maybe setting a schedule of practicing that change is necessary for a bit.  What I mean is, for me….I have a “training schedule.”  This schedule is when I train, whether or not I’m motivated.  I can adjust what I do during each training according to how my body feels – hell, if I really don’t FEEL like it because I’m super sore or worn out…maybe it’s just a good foam rolling, mobility, and stretching session….but I STILL kept my appointment with myself during that time for it’s intended purpose.  Get it?
  3.  Make easy wins.  Do a few things when you start that are super easy and make you feel amazing.  Chances are, once you are feeling like a boss, you will keep going.
  4. Do the hard shit.  Once you got a few easy wins under your belt in your session, do the shit you don’t want to do which is why you’ve been dreading this appointment with yourself in the first place.  Just knock it out and get it done.  Then move onto more fun shit.  For me….these are the things I’m not good at and that make me realize I’m not good at them.  But in order to get better, of course I need to do them, right?
  5. Take vacations.  Maybe this isn’t applicable right in the beginning when you are starting something new….because you probably want to create some sort of habit of doing this new thing.  However, after you have a couple of months or so under your belt, take a break.  Completely.  For a few days or a week or so.  Like any vacation, when you take a  break….you usually come back refreshed and relaxed, and with new ideas or a new appreciation.

I feel like saying “I’m not motivated” is sometimes the worst kind of excuse.  Motivation is limited, and doing things only when you WANT to do them is sometimes a recipe for disaster.  I mean, if I paid my bills only when I “felt like it”……well, let’s be honest….I’d have a lot more pairs of cute jeans and some pretty angry people who I owed money to.

Shit, I’m now re-reading this post, and realize I don’t clean my house a lot because I “don’t feel like it.”  I probably need to schedule some time each day/week to get this under control.  Ha!  Jokes on me!


Originally this was my journey to Tough Mudder…now it's my record of all things fitness and health!


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