Amanda Fisher Coaching

I help women get crazy strong - physically AND mentally - through strength training, sustainable eating habits, and a heathy mindset.

Category: Support (page 1 of 78)

Three Things To Do When You Feel Paralyzed By Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a little dirty secret that no one tells you about when you are pregnant with your first (or second, or fifth) baby.

Mom guilt makes you want to skip doing your life, and skip doing ANYTHING, for fear that you might miss something in your kids’ lives.  Or worse, that the kiddos might not really want you to go, even though you need to go for a bit, and then there may be some kid guilt laid on you.

Mom guilt is hard as hell to navigate.  Should you stay, even though you know you need to go and get away, even if just for a bit?  Should you go, and do it anyway?  How the hell do you even know?  Such a mind game!

Let’s be clear.  I think once you have kids, their needs are right up at the top of your list, and while they can be….um, needy…..kids are cool.  And there is absolutely nothing else like raising kids.  It’s the most challenging, scary, awesome thing ever, lol.  I mean, you literally don’t know if you’ve “done it right” until they have left the nest for college….so, HA, the margin for error feels incredibly high!

But while kids and their needs are important, so are OUR needs, mamas.  And it’s okay to actually admit that.  And feel that.  And do things that meet our needs.

And I’m like any mom, I struggle with mom guilt the same as everyone else, yo!  It’s can paralyze you.  It can be easy to just skip doing things because you don’t want to face it and put a higher priority on yourself for a hot minute.

So, here are three things I try to think about when I feel that paralyzing feeling of mom guilt creeps in…….(and let’s remember, I ride the struggle bus here too, so I’d love the things YOU think about when the mom guilt creeps in)

  1. First off, what’s your family schedule been looking like lately?  When our family schedule is crazy, and there is literally somewhere to go every single day of the week, I tend to favor backing off and not adding more chaos to that, whether that’s right or wrong.  I loathe “going somewhere” every day, and I’m learning that our oldest kid needs plenty of downtime at home, even though she likes to do things.  So, I tend to feel plenty of stress PLUS mom guilt when I add more of my own solo commitments on top of a busy weekly schedule.  So for me personally, during crazy times in our house, I actually feel better prioritizing being home more, and NOT doing things.  That’s just me, and of course, some things still need to get done, so lots to consider here.  I love saying yes to things that we can go to as a family, and am more stingy saying yes to things when we have an already crazy schedule, and involves organization of a babysitter during a crazy week.
  2. Secondly, how can you make it “fit better” somewhere in your schedule?  One thing that feels like a luxury lately is solo workout times that aren’t sandwiched between classes and clients in the gym.  So, I can fit in a date with my best fitness friend PLUS get my workout in, if I do it crazy early in the morning.  Sometimes this is absolutely worth it, because I just NEED that time.  Other times, dude, no….I need sleep, lol.  So, where can you fit your stuff that maybe works a little better?  Get creative.  I’m finding that I can wind down a little after kids have gone to bed and before I need to.  There’s been a lot of epsom salt baths lately when kids are in bed.
  3. Third, um….sometimes you just need to go anyway, no matter the guilty feeling that trips you up.  Sometimes, I just do.  Sometimes, I bet, YOU just do, too.  There are just those times, and that’s ok (even though your brain will tell you otherwise for a minute while you are getting ready to leave).

I’m guessing some of this mom guilt stuff feels worse when there are little kids around.  However, I can only imagine that always feeling paralyzed by mom guilt builds a pattern, and soon, when kids are doing things themselves and no longer actually WANT to spend time with you (lol)….that getting out of that pattern of always saying no to yourself will be a hard habit to break then.

So, it’s kind of random to write a blog post when I’m navigating this territory again and not always sure of myself, and giving three pieces of advice, lol.  But at the same time, I know that I’m not the only one who deals with mom guilt, and it’s very present in my life again with a 6 month old plus a 4 year old.  And I’m learning how to find my footing again.  Which is fine.  But dang, it’s always a process!

So, if you feel ANY of this stuff, please add to the discussion!  Let’s work on this, and crack the mom guilt code once and for all (ha!).  Drop me your two cents on mom guilt via comment on my Facebook page, and let’s get this ball rolling.

Three Pieces Of Fitness Advice I Would Tell My Younger Self

You know how you look back to who you were a year ago, five years ago, 10, 15 and want to tell your younger self a whollllleeeee bunch of things that you wish you had know at the time?

I’ve been thinking about that lately, with fitness stuff.

What would I tell younger me about fitness when I was a young punk?  Lots!  It’s actually sort of hard to limit it to just three things, but I carefully sifted through 15 years worth of “stuff” and came up with these three.

It’s three helpful things to consider if you are just beginning to “fitness” or in your early 20’s like I was when I started “fitness-ing.”

You are busy, and so am I, so we are just going to get right into this today, ok?

Here goes.

Find exercise and fitness that YOU enjoy.  You know what makes fitness really damn hard?  Doing things you don’t look forward to doing.  Instead of trying to force yourself to follow training plans and programs and the 21 days to a better butt challenge on Facebook, do things that you can do multiple times per week. Things you like.  Things you (mostly) look forward to doing.  I write mostly about strength training, but guess what?  There are many more things you can do that just lift.  I love to lift, so I always do it, it’s easy for me to do to “fitness.” If you hate it, try other things, and find what YOU love.  What about walking?  What about finding different trails and doing some exploring?  What about low impact exercise like swimming if you struggle with joint health?  You can pretty much make anything fitness, if you find ways to get better at it.  So a few things, find one or two that jazz you up, and do them!

Use exercise and fitness to create a stimulus in your body, and not just to burn calories.  Most people fall into the trap of focusing only on caloric burn when exercising.  Here’s the thing, there is SO MUCH MORE to consider than that, and super important stuff too.  Use fitness to create an endorphin hit.  Use fitness to create a powerful hormonal cascade in your body that helps you preserve or increase your lean muscle mass, and helps you blast body fat.  Be strategic about the amount of fitness you do, so you don’t fall into the trap of jacking up your stress hormones so you are constantly wired and have an out of control appetite to show for it.  The amount of calorie burn isn’t as important as the response you get from the activity.  Logging hours and hours of exercise each week just to show a huge calorie burn isn’t efficient or smart.  Creating just the right stimulus YOUR body needs, in a manner that you can keep repeating, is how you will do well in this game.

If the Kardashians are doing it, it likely could be done better, smarter, or safer.  I know that’s sassy, but here’s what I mean.  Many (not all) the people who we see on TV training celebrities are….well, sorta dumb.  I’ve watched the Kardashians do some really shitty kettlebell swings and follow really weird diets, and also do some things that aren’t safe for the early postpartum periods that they exercised in.  I’ve not really seen them train their body as whole, or do much things that will help them be better humans (fitness-wise AND otherwise, lol).  Celebrity trainers themselves would also be included in this statement – Jillian Michaels and Tracy Anderson come to mind (eyeroll).  Now, Ben Bruno, a well respected trainer of celebrities IS a super smart and productive coach, buuuutttttt I don’t see too many other instances.  And oh by the way, this would include many popular Instagram fitness profiles as well.  Just because someone says they do fitness and post workouts on Pinterest and have tons of Instagram followers DOESN’T ACTUALLY make them good at fitness and knowledgeable about how to help YOU with fitness.  So, it they are super popular, and all in your face about fitness and beast mode, look deeper is what I’m saying.  Look for their experience and education when they catch your eye, mmmmmmkay?

There you go, younger Amanda.  Those are three things I would tell you that would save you loads of time spinning your wheels with fitness before really falling in love with it.

What would YOU tell YOUR younger self?  I’d love to hear!

The Red Pill Or The Blue Pill….Which Will You Choose?

Nutrition……..

Well, I call it nutrition.  Or “how we eat.”  Or, really……”the intersection of eating for health and eating a few treats.”

Sometimes,  “nutrition” seems to get shuffled about and mixed up with “dieting.”

Can they be the same?  Yes, sometimes.

But there’s this crazy thing between nutrition and dieting.  It’s like this little fantasy land, where magical things exist that wipe out calories, or eating certain ways or foods trump calories, or the notion that nutrition and health somehow have to be painful.  Or that just because you watched “What The Health,” you are now an expert at nutrition and that vegan is the answer and the only answer.  My friend Christina has a good name for the person that lives in this fantasy land – unicorn princess ponies.  And I dig it.  HA!

I liken it to the red pill and blue pill concept.  You know, if you take the blue pill, it’s all unicorns and rainbows.  It’s dreamy.  It’s like, very chill, yo.  Calories don’t matter.  And it’s all grand because we are living an illusion.

The red pill, however, is the opposite.  It’s reality.  Sometimes it’s cool, and sometimes it stings.  Calories matter, no matter if you count them or not.  Health, nutrition, losing fat or weight…well, they take REAL effort.  Sometimes more than you thought you needed to give, and it’s not always because of food, but because of how you think about food.

Thought it would be high time to talk through red pill/blue pill scenarios today, and get real.  Let’s work through some very common thoughts surrounding food, nutrition, dieting, fat loss, you name it.  Ok?

Blue pill:  I eat clean, so I never have to worry about counting calories, because all the foods I eat are healthy, free of toxins, and calories don’t matter when I eat this way.

Red pill:  I know that eating mostly whole foods is a great approach to nutrition, because these foods are difficult to overeat, and also I get a lot of “health” in them for a small caloric cost.  However, I know that overeating chicken is still overeating.  Just like overeating Cheetos is overeating.

Blue pill: If I just love myself enough, the weight will take care of itself.

Red pill:  If I do the work and practice self-acceptance, and deal with the things I need to deal with (the hard shit and the bullshit), and begin learning how to like myself where I’m currently AT, changing my behaviors and habits might be easier because they are coming from a place of acceptance and love.  They will still take effort though, and that’s ok, because I realize I need to be in this for the long haul.

Blue pill:  I’m so excited.  I’m drinking two shakes a day and eating healthy snacks and a colorful dinner.  These shakes are MAGIC.  The weight is just falling off.

Red pill:  Shut the F up about your shake program.  You are in a calorie deficit!  Which is why the weight is falling off.  It ain’t the shakes honey.  It’s the deficit.  Give YOURSELF credit for being in a deficit and embracing some healthy eating (the meals and snacks, not the shakes).  Don’t give the shakes the credit for the work you put in!  Save your money, your mental game, and the notion that you only need to do this for the next 6 weeks to get the weight off, and figure how how you can eat LONG TERM that doesn’t involve one more quick fix.

Blue pill:  I only eat organic foods.  I don’t allow toxins and pesticides into my diet.  Even snacks.  Organic Cheetos!  So healthy!  So delicious!  So free of toxins!

Red pill:  Organic Cheetos are still Cheetos.  Delicious yes, but you can overeat them just the same as regular ones.

Blue pill:  I only sweeten things with Stevia and Agave nectar.  Because it’s natural, and it’s good for me.  So much healthier than table sugar!

Red pill:  Sugar is sugar is sugar.  No matter if it’s table sugar or Agave, and too much is too much.

As a nutrition coach, and someone with an icky past of diet mindset and food anxiety, I can totally understand the Blue Pill.  I WANT to live in that land.  All those unicorns and rainbows, you know?  It’s all easy!  I can just sprinkle a little fairy dust on stuff, and it’s magic.  I spent a lot of years spinning my wheels in Blue Pill land.

However, I can tell you, I began to appreciate the Red Pill when it came time to owning my own bullshit stories, and when it came time to dealing with why I ate feelings instead of felt them.  To be honest, the Red Pill is freeing because it’s reality and realizing WE control our actions and even if it’s a little harsh at times, we are ready to handle it.  The Red Pill was also my vaccination against the bullshit that the Diet Industry was feeding me.  Once I began making choices based on my MY wellbeing, and not the growth of THEIR bottom line, things, including my perspective, began to shift.

Here’s the deal, YOU choose which pill to take.  Some will take the Blue Pill for a minute or even years, and to be be honest, that’s ok, because they need to learn their path that way.

Some will take the Red Pill instantly, and that’s cool too, because they know they are facing reality with up AND downs.

My program, #NutritionBoss, deals in Red Pills.  I’m not a Blue Pill coach.  I don’t coach in fantasy land, I coach in reality.  #NutritionBoss is for you if you want to sort through your own bullshit with nutrition, learn some habits that will take you far that you can use right now and when you are 90.  If you are looking for unicorns or fairy dust, #NutritionBoss isn’t for you.

Which pill will you choose?

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