I think I’m 10 weeks postpartum. I’m pretty sure anyways, but I’m not going back to the calendar to do the math, so we will just say I’m 10 weeks, lol.

Month two of the fourth trimester.  And….I can’t remember JACK.  My memory is gone.  So is my ability to think and form normal sentences.  Yikes!  I can remember what size free weights my clients use in the gym….but I can’t remember if I ate lunch yesterday.  HA!

So, last month, I had all allllll the post birth cravings.  OMG.  Every single one.  I was hungry ALL.THE.TIME.  I think it’s to be expected….recovery from birth plus my body trying to feed another human.  I dunno, I can rationalize being that hungry anyways, because it makes sense.  I can tell you this month, cravings are not like that anymore, and my hunger has slowed way down.  I feel like I’m evening out just a bit on hunger.  Which rocks.  Our grocery bill will likely go down, lol.  Our beer bill won’t though.  Oh WAIT!  There IS something weird going on.  Beer is still good…buuuttttt, my new drink of choice lately is Roscato (red Moscato).  On ice of course, lol.

Emotionally, I would say I have all the crazy pregnancy hormones exiting the building so I’m pretty good for the most part, but have the odd crazy freak out (just ask Todd), and….while I did good with dropping off both kids at daycare for the first time, I pretty much ball when I’m feeding Maren and see her perfect little toes and her crazy antics.  Or, when I dropped off Emma at vacation bible school, and realized she didn’t need me anymore to get her name tag, and find her way to the gym with the other kids.  THAT shiz, makes me BALL like a baby.  And I would say Mama Bear comes out when we are out in public with lots of people/strangers around.  I get like nutso protective over my kids, lol.

Physically!  Here’s the Cliff’s notes from last time.  Last post, I thought I was dealing with a mild bladder prolapse.  NO!  I am NOT.  Seriously, I am thanking God on this one.  I was really freaking out about that one.  However, I am dealing with really weak pelvic floor muscles, because they are trying to be strong all the time.  I’m learning that my pelvic floor is hypertonic, which basically means the muscles are contracting ALL the time and have a hard time relaxing….I’m the walking definition of a tight ass.  Think about flexing your gunz in the mirror, and never being able to UNflex them.  That’s what’s going on here.  So, I’m working on contracting pelvic floor when necessary, but also working on relaxing it as well.  A strong muscle is only a muscle that can contract AND relax.  A constantly flexed muscle isn’t all that strong because it can’t function.  So, when I have prolapse symptoms, it’s actually because my PF needs a break and NOT because my bladder is ACTUALLY falling out.  And, apparently this shit is very common, SO, if you’ve been pregnant/birthed a baby (C-section or vaginally), I stand by my recommendation…and get yo ass to the pelvic floor PT, plz!  And STAT.

And…..it’s interesting what are major causes of prolapse or weak PF.  Straining on the toilet (not my issue, lol).  Excessive coughing….I did that for about 2 months when pregnant with Maren with a nasty cold.  I also puked and/or dry heaved for about 30 weeks of my pregnancy most days, so you can imagine the force that produces on one’s PF.  Here’s where it gets REALLY interesting…..forceps or vacuum delivery.  Welp, Emma was born with vacuum assistance.  And to be honest, now that I know what some of this stuff feels like that I’m working through….this has been slowly building since Emma was born.  So I’m taking this whole recovery and physical therapy thing seriously, because I want to making sure my body is REALLY recovered this time.

Also, I started workouts at about 7.5 weeks PP.  I would definitely say they feel “easy” compared to my normal, but I’d also say I’m damn proud of myself for doing what is needed right now, and dropping my ego to ease back in.  I can tell you for sure, I feel like I have NO core connection.  I can tell my core is starting to act like a core, but I literally feel like a big empty space from my sternum to my quads.  Like NOTHING is there and I have to work damn hard to make my mind connect to my core to workI do a lot of glute bridges with bands, and in a variety of positions.  I’m doing lots of upper body pulls and band pull-aparts.  Unweighted squats.  Floor presses.  And band presses.  I’m not doing any planks or push-ups because I’m respecting my core and the fact that there was a lot of outward pressure on it for some time, and I’m not going to add to that pressure in those positions.  I’m also not doing much for exercises that put downward force on my PF – no weighted squats or lunges, no deads, no swings, no overhead pressing, nada.  So, my workouts take like 20 minutes, but I can tell they are helping.  I also spend a fair amount of time each day deep breathing, and giving my PF a break, and doing some resets like rocking, rolling, and crawling.  When I sit, I make sure my posture is spot on, because that is HUGE for PF health.  I’m also trying to sit in a variety of positions – on the floor, on my knees, with legs extended, etc.  All good things for PF health.  I feel like all I talk about is pelvic floor stuff right now, buuuutttt I’m living and breathing it so it’s what is on my mind.  OH, and I walk for 20 minutes at a time, 2-3 times per day.  Walking is GREAT for PF health, but also the force on PF is a factor here, so shorter more frequents bouts are best right now.  And I still sit tons.  Because recovery, yo.

My workout buddy and I during my first week of workouts!

Also, all the cool postpartum pregnancy stuff is happening.  My beautiful pregnancy hair is GONE and now I have greasy hair that is falling out in clumps.  I had really nice skin during pregnancy and welp…..here we go with zits again.  And, I have way less muscle than I used to and way more body fat than I used to, which is a little bit of a mindgame, but to be honest, it is what it is right now.  I’m not one of those ladies that breastfeeds and has weight just fall off.  The whole weight thing is interesting to me.  It was a mindgame for a bit, especially during pregnancy, but it is what it is.  Through about weeks 20 or so, I lost about 15 pounds.  Which feels like a crime because you’re trying to build a human when you are pregnant.  BUT, I also spent a lot of time either feeling nauseous from food OR throwing it up.  So I’m not surprised that I lost weight of course.  Then, I put that back on, plus 8 pounds by the time Maren showed her face.  Then dropped like a rock by about 20 pounds in four days post birth after Maren was here plus extra blood and fluid.  And then I put about six pounds back on til this point.  The weight itself isn’t a factor for me…it’s just the mind game you go through like….is my baby growing….when I was losing weight.  Then, OMG, I feel SO FULL all the time, when I got that weight back plus 8 pounds.  Then, OMG I literally don’t give a shit about weight post birth as you are going through alllll the new feelings and getting used to a new baby in your family.  And then, one day you wake up and your boobs are huge (for you), you are leaking fluid from literally everywhere in your body, you literally feel a little like yourself, but not REALLY like yourself just yet, and your body doesn’t appear all that different from the outside, but it’s hugely changed on the inside.  It’s all just a big mind game is what I’m trying to say.

I went back to work last week, and I’m not gonna lie, I LOVED it.  Spending time in the gym with people I enjoy being around, ADULTS with ADULT conversations, and just feeling like I’m getting back to my purpose outside of raising humans has been AMAZING.  It hasn’t even sucked getting up at 4:15 a few times a week, because to be honest, I’m getting up at 3:30 to nurse a baby anyway, lol.  I love time at home of course, and I still get a ton of time with my littles, but being outside the house and back to work ROCKS.

And one final thing – I can honestly say that the balance between two kids has gotten WAY better.  Emma loves her sister so much, and a little one on one time from mom and day with just Emma goes a LONG way.  I still go back and forth between feeling like super mom for Maren, being a crappy mom for Emma, thinking OMG I can’t spend enough time with my littles, then OMG is it a daycare day yet, and alllll the stuff in between.  But it’s pretty awesome.  And I would also say that I don’t remember being pregnant anymore, even though I loathe it (I know that’s not nice to say, but it’s also the truth).  And 40 weeks and 5 days is really a drop in the bucket of time for the little human being that shows up (eventually) at the end.

But don’t you dare ask if we are having more kids anytime soon, because almost having a baby on the side of the road is still fresh in my mind.

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